Keith and The Girl
Publisher: www.KeithandTheGirl.com
Genre: Comedy
Language: English
Keith and his girlfriend talk shit.
Copyright:
Website: http://www.KeithandTheGirl.com
Remember: You can download this podcast straight to your iPod with Sherpa.
1246: Out on a Limb
They didn't even recognize he was dead because he always smelled like shit.
1245: Re: Joyce
If somebody shoots me, look into him first.
1244: Read All About It
I eat AIDS for breakfast!
1243: All Grown Up
You're about to get some real shit dropped on your lap.
1242: GET OUT OF MY LIFE!
Can you imagine a show begging people not to listen?
1241: Cat Calling
I knew how I felt. I knew that I've never felt this way about anything.
1240: God & Guns
How much dick do I have to suck to show I'm not homophobic?
1239: Crazy Awesome
I'm sorry that I had an opinion on a person that started a show with, 'Fuck me in the ass. Fuck me in the ass.'
1238: Mayor May Not
I became Mayor of The Airport Bathroom.
1237: Bad Egg
It's such an embarrassing moment. What do you say?
1236: Be Nice
I think you have too much sensitivity and not enough sense of humor.
1235: Copywrong
I wish I left before the show started.
1234: Nerdtopia
This is worse than meat on your crotch.
1233: American Idiot
I'm crying over a fuckin' book! Of course I'm not gonna read!
1231: CryingChicks.com
Can't find innocent car; you can't look.
1230: Vaseline
There's gonna be some drinkin', some creepin', and definitely some fights.
1229: Meet the Parents
I bet he's gonna try to take that can of beans upside my head.
1228: Fight or Flight
You were a sour-faced bitch today.
1227: Fried Salad
I'm bringing a priest and an executioner. We'll see which one I use.
1226: Kryptonite Status
I'm just gonna handcuff you to the tree, and I'll be right back.
1225: Clearing the Air
This is bigger than anyone getting shot.
1224: A Case of the Thursdays
I don't say anything that I don't intend to confront in person if necessary.
1223: I Find It Funny
Their common hate in me brought them together.
1222: 100%
I just found out today I'm not the Devil.
1221: That Ain't Right
Do you think that you will enjoy living the rest of your life in a prison cell? Do you think that you will enjoy living your eternity in the fires of Hell?
1220: Fat Chance
Look at yourself. And look what you've done. Look what you've fucking done!
1219: Bonehead
I should’ve woken you up and said, 'Fucking blow me, bitch!'
1218: Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
That's because you're a fucking using whore!
1217: Another Time
I will make your goddamn life miserable!
1216: Titty Abuse
I am fighting these children and breaking their nose.
1215: Fighting Styles
Your dad's dead and and my dad's dead, so probably we can bang, right?
1214: Time Out
Muslims are on a time out till they get their shit together.
1211: Can You Imagine?
I'm becoming a nerd sympathizer! I hated them!
1210: Last Comic Standing
1209: The N-Word
You sound so stupid. You sound aggressively stupid right now.?
1208: Gentlemen Power
1207: Weird Science
1206: Smoke Weed Every Day
Wait, I'm not drunk? Well then I lost!
1205: Whistleblower
1204: A Right Good Scrum
We're talkin' about, 'You're fuckin' my mom.'
1203: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle
You're now up for a Keith and The Girl Award.
KATGtv 33: A Few Goat Men
1202: Puppet Master
Wow. That was incredible. Best Salvia trip on the internet.
1201: Explain Yourself
I'm barbecuing naked. I can do what I want now. Freedom.
33: Sliding Down
We continue to meet the KATG interns as Newsy shares his feelings
through Salvia
1200: The Guest House
When I fuck a cow, I think, 'Safety first.'
KATGtv 32: Cactus Joe
Kyle the Intern smokes some Salvia and meets one Cactus Joe
1199: The Pursuit of Happiness
Save money, yeah, save money. Save money. Fuck, I wanna eat God
dammit!
1198: Bobbie Johnson
You fucked me, and a thousand repo-men with a thousand tow-trucks can
never take that back.
1197: Ass to Mouth
It's a poison in your house, this fuckin' washcloth.
1196: I Don't
This ain't no Day Late Dollar Short Tour, baby. Get on board, 'cause
the steamboat's leavin' on time.
1195: Chicken Soup for the Dick
Fate happens for a reason.
1193: Totes Inappropes
I'm really trying to save you time. We're never gonna be friends.
1192: Put 'Em Up
I want everybody to know this wasn't my idea. I had no problem holding a
camera; I'm just saying this wasn't necessarily my idea.
1191: The Morning After
I don't owe you anything. My life is more important than your
entertainment.
1190: A Whole New World
He can be Lawrence of my labia.
1189: Cunt
Don't be a cunt if you don't wanna be called a cunt!
1187: Fuck Yeah; Suck Yeah
I'm gonna twitter my cum. Wha ya think a that??
1186: Cat Power
This angst that you have is from you!?
1184: Madagascar
I actually choose the way I eat according to the way animals have sex.
1183: Model Citizen
Keith with shoes on is like Pamela Anderson not showing her chest.
1182: Acid Comedy
I think I hate a fourth of my audience. They're fuckin' idiots!
1180: Punk'n Pie
This show is for Americans first, above all!
1179: Artsy Fartsy
I don't like Chemda's attitude lately.
1177: Cheese with Your Whine?
Jesus Fuckin' Christ, how dumb are you?! FUUUCK!!!
1176: Higher Learning
I'm just saying what I heard.
1175: Toilet Parts
I think I'm gonna feed my kids lead paint as a favor.
1174: Transformers
I'm sorry if my appearance offended you in any way.
1173: Danny Lobell Me Once...
Every time you've been on my show, you're lying to me.
1172: Danny's Last Show
I think Danny is going to die.
1171: The Very Best of Keith and The Girl
I had a friend that was a Nazi.
1170: Get Over It
86% of people are okay with what I have done.
1169: Rush
They show this rape scene, and I masturbated to it.
1168: The Key of Awesome
I'm willing to fight you for charity.
1167: Tattoo You
You're not as nice as you think, and, with all sincerity, you should
look into that.
1166: America Fuck Yeah!
I made a difference today! I burned a flag in the woods!
1165: Sound Off
Don't you see the difference between people laughing at you and
laughing with you?
1164: HUH?!
I stopped listening to this episode the instant that retarded shit that
fell out of Keith's mouth twenty minutes in.
1163: Sign Mr Up
It's a very big day for people who like weed.
1162: I Got a Globe!
Did you just Internet threaten me?!
1161: Hide and Seek
He had his dick out, yelled, I'm a helicopter. Jean-Claude Van Damme.
1160: In Da Club
We're the only white people in here! Holy shit! We can get beat up any
time! This is awesome!
1159: The Awkward Comedy Show
I'm white, and I disagree!
1158: Bad Boy of Comedy
You ever fuck a girl with her own tits?
1157: Pants on Fire
I'm gonna chalk it up to maybe the bald guy is having a massive
period.
1156: Sowwy
Don't take all this jovial humor as though I were not riled up. I am
thoroughly riled up today, I'll tell you.
1155: Size Matters
We got to gifts I've gotten from hookers.
1152: The Daily American
This is old school Somerset passive-aggressiveness.
1151: Somebody's Watching Me
Your ears bleed after talking to her because you strain so hard. And I
think I've said yes to a lot of things I probably shouldn't have.
1150: Inside The Woman
What do you think about this idea: The Strap-On Asshole?
1149: Home-o-phobia
Are you on some sort of prescribed medication, unprescribed medication,
illicit drugs or one too many intoxicating drinks?
1148: Dare to Dream
They're gonna take your baby away.
1147: Ball-Staplin' Good
Keith and Chemda's collection of the books - so brilliant my balls look
like Swiss cheese.
1146: Fat and The Whore
omgz keeth and the gilr are piesus of shit.
1144: The Blob
I like hanging with Keith, but I'm just afraid he'll make a poll about
me.
1143: New and Notable
Get out! Go to Anger Management Training.
1142: Uplifting
And that's how I almost had butt sex.
1141: What Do We Do Now?
How do I get my girlfriend to douche?
1140: No Respect
Somebody knows about my cracked glass!
1139: Truth in Comedy
Everyone started laughing, and I got raped in the ass and the mouth.
1138: Five Years Down
God bless America. And the authors of this book.
1136: The Waste Monster
Honey, come here. Whip out your tits. Show Nick.
1135: Authors
Hey, I'm having trouble with this Rape!
1134: Rape!
Shit is too crazy now. You get some girl in your car, next thing you know you're in fuckin' prison for four years.
1133: Be Human
Do you know what happened in your life just now? A porn!
1132: Pledge Your Allegiance
Are penises disgusting?
1131: Homeland Security
I'm gonna put a Tolerable Curse on you. Beanbag! Beanbag!
1130: Really, Keith?
Free for all, kids. Bring your guns to school; bring your markers.
1129: Cerebral
Just get me off and leave me out of it.
Adam, Eve, Keith and Chemda
Use referral code KATG at AdamAndEve.com for free gifts and 50% off almost every item.
1128: Too Fat to Fly
Did your dad touch his tongue to your penis?
1127: Stereo Crazies
Self-esteem is on the Dollar Menu.
1125: Oh Boy
Is it wrong that I want to look at your asshole?
1124: Let's Put It This Way
Now you know. I'm a freak.
1123: Here We Go
I always got punched as a kid. I never understood it.
1122: Diane's Breasts
I think my uncle just raped me.
1121: The Tits
You want to talk to me like you're a basic bitch, then cool.
KATGtv 31: Little Baby Faggot
IT'S FUNNY CAUSE IT'S true: The story of Little Baby Faggot
1120: Love Your Pet
What do I gotta do? Be under my bed fuckin' a cat?
KATGtv 30: Man vs. Machine
Keith tries his hand at technical support
1118: Who Farted?
90% of people say Mark Sanchez is a douche bag.
1117: Sign Here
You had to be a little bit of a bitch, huh? Right on, man. Now you know who we are.
1116: iKATG
Keith and The Girl has its fiftieth (50) body modification.
1115: Bad Little Boy
I put a baby in the dishwasher.
1114: Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout?
When is it appropriate to lie under the forks of a forklift truck?
1113: Sexpert
I'm gonna cut the motherfucker's index finger off.
1112: King Arthur's Court
I was attempting to be serious, but you're unteachable.
1111: I Want to Kill You
I am definitely not blowing up the airport.
1110: Don't Touch the Talent
I think it was out of my system when I fucked you in my dad's church.
1109: Communication Breakdown
I tried to get everything to bite me. A dog... I thought I'd be The Wolfman.
1108: Who Needs Dead
Stop punching me in the nads!
1107: We are at War!
I'm the healthiest in this room. I promise you.
1106: 2nd Annual KATGuh Award Winners
Just like you, I'm another Little Baby Faggot.
1105: Toilet Humor
For a guy with one ball, this guy has a lotta guts.
1104: Everything You Need to Know About Women
I'm trying to sleep with you. I don't know you. Is that disgusting?
1103: Giving a Flying Fuck
You can't be crackin' no keg if you ain't hittin' no forty.
1102: Psycho Competitive
The only way I can lose is if I don't win.
1101: 2nd Annual KATGuh Awards
I know I'm being recorded!
BEGINNINGS 36: Potluck
195: Tattletales (BEGIN-17:00) New Year's, wine anxiety, Dick Clark, and the prodigal Chemda visits her folks.
165: The Girl, M.D. (14:30-36:30) Keith's quaint little teen rebellion, the subtle distinction between farts and faaahts, mixing fun pills ... (more)
BEGINNINGS 35: Retail Fail
163: $$$ (22:45-28:10) Outing Sulu, and a listener lends his time to get TGAN printed.
168: Venus and My Cock (35:30-41:30) The sad state of West Coast cuisine.
171: Rockstar (BEGIN-8:30) Los Angeles: Great wrecks, piss-poor Hooters.
176: Apology Acc... (more)
BEGINNINGS 34: A Lotta Spunk
175: How to Kill Your Baby (BEGIN-30:00) Patrice's job gets weird...er. More from the fascinating career of hooker booking.
185: I Have a Bomb (35:30-42:00) Britney makes decent jerk-fodder.
186: Love Letters (39:30-54:00) Brad's breakup letter and m... (more)
BEGINNINGS 33: Mary the Cunt
195: Tattletales (17:00-41:45) Keith lands an office temp job, and has a bad first day...
196: Revenge (0:30-13:15, 42:30-46:00) ...a worse second day...
197: Mission Accomplished (BEGIN-0:45, 13:30-30:05) ...but a triumphant third and final day.
BEGINNINGS 32: Hitting the Pavement
177: It's Not Me, It's You (7:30-30:00) A critique of the film Fever Pitch lapses into a discussion of Boston, ex-girlfriend Kara, and marathon tomfoolery.
178: Find Keith a Job (BEGIN to 34:00) Keith goes temporarily insane, and think he's a douchey... (more)
BEGINNINGS 31: Crappy Holidays
191: So Sue Me (43:30-44:45) Christmas re-gifting.
189: Three's Company (BEGIN-8:15) Holiday plans, stamps, and the Old Man wants to sparkle the co-op.
193: Spooky Visits (23:30-54:30) Kwanzaa at the mall, social experimentation on the subway, visiti... (more)
BEGINNINGS 30: Sorry, Larry (Expo, Part Two)
171: Rockstar (29:15-50:45) More convention talk, and Chemda runs into an old flame.
174: Smell the Roses (27:15-38:30) The rather interesting story of podcaster Corby of The Twisted Pickle lapses into infidelity talk.
184: How to Build a Resume (22:... (more)
BEGINNINGS 29: Expo, Part One
168: Venus and My Cock (BEGIN-15:15, 20:00-34:00) From Venice, CA. Keith and Chemda dangerously set up all their gear in the hotel room to bitch about the flight out. Keith does some crippled dancing at a Bat Mitzvah, and SpongeBob meets a one-eyed p... (more)
BEGINNINGS 28: My Mom Would Be So Proud
188: Encore (38:30-40:30) Chemda meets a pretty girl at the airport.
181: Finish Her! (7:30-24:30) Chemda and Miss X go for a late night massage.
189: Three's Company (12:15-27:30) Quizzical in Queens wants to know how to manage a menage.
190: Sexual... (more)
BEGINNINGS 27: Johnsons, Greenwich, Dickheads
164: Lo Ya-Fe (5:00-38:00) Classic Clown Monday, featuring Double Dare in a padded room in Connecticut, and the Genesis of Glitter Revenge.
167: Movin' On Up (30:00-46:00) Chemda encounters a group of fragrant pop 'n lockers, and does a Glamour Girl ... (more)
1100: Leave It Alone
"Can't grab a dick with a backhand."
1099: Instant Message
Does Jonas like cottage cheese?
1098: Dance Party
I'll punch you in the fuckin' mouth if you're 18!
1097: A+
He had to be rougher with me, and I would have fucked him.
1096: Funny Stuff
We're gettin' too old for pussy paintin'.
KATGtv 29: Keith Malley
Keith performs stand-up in NYC
1095: How to Be a Vampire
Don't be a fuckin' jerk off! This place is fuckin' Party Central!
1094: Jerk Off McGoo
Just want to suck each other off and get some work done.
1093: Jerk Off from Way Back
A dude punches a girl in the face, and I wasn't necissarily on her side.
1092: In the Bushes
“You hold the door open for the world forever; you’re never gonna get inside.”
1091: Good Morning!
Sometimes the show makes you discover what a fuckin' retard you are.
1090: How Good Was I?
He was LOLing all over his stomach.
1089: Disowned
Somebody always wants to jerk off in something.
1088: Father of the Year
In court they actually talked about Brumski.
1086: Rules of Engagement
I'm not done with you yet. Not by a long shot!
1083: Snake Eyes
I'll let a girl know before she's about to go down on me that way it's not a surprise.
1082: Game Over
I don't care! You're not sucking me in!
1081: Excellence in Adequacy
Your marriage is based on a lie already.
1080: Respect My Privacy
The teachers tell me to put the baby under my seat. That's ridiculous!
1079: The Real Dough Face
"I can't even anymore."
KATGtv 28: Pat Dixon and Jesse Joyce
100 for 30: Pat Dixon and Jesse Joyce
1078: Magic Underwear
I actually considered taking my own life.
1077: I'm Happy
Don't cut yourself unless it's from a good place.
1075: Forever More
You know what? She should be fearful of her life.
1074: I'm Not Your Mother
"I bet you she has nothing nice to say about you, and you fucked her ten times."
1073: Yo Soy Demasiado Inteligente
You guys jerk off on webcams and stuff now?
1072: A Killer Surprise
Don't even answer the door...
1071: Champions
"Pedro Martinez looks like a koala fucked a retard."
1070: oooOOOooo Scaaarry...
I know you won't eat me.
1069: Potato Dick
I will drink all the shit out of my butt.
1066: In This Economy
This is very offensive to the room. I know you're just half-retarded. And so you're forgiven.
1065: You Said It
Peace, love and Keith and The Girl.
1063: The Falcon Has Landed
I'm gonna be upset about this, and at the same time really happy.
KATGtv 27: Victor Varnado
100 for 30: Victor Varnado
1062: I Got Your Number
I'm very appalled. I didn't understand. I thought that you'd treat us with respect and dignity.
1061: Come Again?
He ain't wrong, but he ain't right.
1060: Information Overload
You're putting your penis in his daughter's vagina.
1059: Daddy Dearest
I just got off the phone with your dad, Chemda, and he says you're lying.
1058: The Toilet Paper Diaries
I tell you everything. Just some things you can't fuckin' handle.
1057: For My Eyes Only
You were gonna watch us having sex. It was kinda kinky, kind of interesting.
1056: The Nightmare
This is a girl laying on the floor, and you stomped on her.
1055: Never Have I Ever
Nobody's leaving this alive.
1054: I'm Not an Asshole
I'm gonna fight this guy!
KATGtv 26: The Hot Dog Eating Contest
Keith, Myq Kaplan and Jeremy go for the gold
1053: Family Values
Have a sense of humor, Shithead.
1052: Get Smart
Don't do acid or mushrooms in an artist's house.
1051: Bear the Shame
You're not the prick cocksucker that was on Keith's DVD after all.
1050: Cum Together
Act like a man! Cum like a man!
1049: Womp Womp
Why do you do drugs in front of your kids?
1048: The Mamas & the Papas
Be careful! Mom just discovered Google!
1047: Hell-A
I hate doing this talk show! I hate it!
1046: Chicken Fucker
Justice runs on Little Baby Faggot Time.
1045: Oh God, Where Art Thou?
Your lips are a hot dog bun. Want a picnic? I'll bring the meat. Also you're a whore I met on 18th street.
1044: The Greatest
I do have to say something though about the new intern. This is gonna hurt feelings.
1043: Twitterific
Which brings me to my next question: Will you get totally nude for $130? That would be pretty wild. Wild and affordable.
1042: Better Than You
You're a shit-box. How can I be clearer?
1041: The Love Experience
I was nuts, and I was an asshole.
1039: Celebrity Robots
Ever wake up with your foot in the toilet?
1038: Five-Finger Discount
I'm gonna fuck way more cancer patients than you before the year is over.
1037: A Perfect World
"You both deserved each other! I'm glad you made each other's lives Hell!"
1036: Little Baby Faggot Returns
Alright, I gotta go suck dick now. You behave.
1034: Sticky Fingers
I'm about to beep all over myself.
1033: 21 and Over
It feels like they're stealing my farts.
1032: Slide It In
I really don't know if I have something in my ass or not.
KATGtv 23: Chemda in Chell
Chemda laughs at an MS joke and joins the likes of Adolf Hitler and Jack the Ripper
1031: Wordplay
I'm not the same guy I was a year ago.
KATGtv 22: The KATG Branding
Intern Mike receives and pontificates on his Keith and The Girl cutting and branding.
KATGtv 21: The Chili-Off
Chemda, Matt, Lauren and Intern Mike compete in the 1st Annual Chili Competition
1030: Bang a Dong
Fuck you! I fuck your sons! I fuck your daughters!
1029: Respect the Gun
Come on over, guys. I got a gun.
1028: Period Break
It's Keith vs. Chemda now. You wanted it!
1027: Party Hard
I really should just beat the fuck out of you.
KATGtv 20: Myka FOX!!!
Keith, Brother Love and the KATG audience put Myka FOX!!! on the spot
1026: Ass Frenzy
Just a simple jerk-off. Who knew?
1025: Sabotage
First time I've been offended by the show.
1024: Skanks a Lot
I can, without slander, call him homosexual.
1023: Speaking of Gay
I'm an advanced man, and I like to do it in the ass.
KATGtv 19: The Burger-Off
Keith, Pat, Jeremy, Cole and Intern Mike compete in the 1st Annual Burger Competition
1022: General Coonery
If I'm embarrassing me, I'm embarrassing you.
1021: Brillo Pad Lovin'
Keith is belittling someone after he talked about tearing his dick with a Brillo Pad.
1020: Count Me In
Shit, I'm pretty fuckin' gay...
1019: Black Comedy
Jesus Christ, can't you lighten up for five fuckin' minutes?!
1018: Gay in the Back
Your mommy sucked my dick for two dollars.
1017: Clickity Clack Bitches
Get the fuck out the way, Nana.
1016: Cold Hearted Snake
There's no way to win is the answer.
1015: Making Boys Cry
My fists are thirsty for Ray's balls.
1014: 5 Stars
Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you what you are like.
1012: I'll Fight You
You apparently have never been ninja-fucked.
1011: The Unforgiven
I will not let a shit-head offend me.
1010: Stage Fright
This is a drunk sudden movement venue.
1009: Getting Spooked
I don't have a problem with sleeping with a lot of comedians.
1008: Big Pimpin'
I'll be back later 'cause you like to beat people.
1007: Throwdown at the County Fair
They pay you for this crap. It's amazing. God bless 'em.
1004: Goo Goo G'joob
I'm not alone. But you know that don't mean I'm not lonely.
1002: An Awart Winning Show
Two days notice, and Keith will do whatever you want.
1001: Awesome
I'm a fuckin' animal, and all I do is fight.
999: Have a Nice Life
You're gonna sue the child for blowing your husband...
998: Into the Fire
Now I'm about to violate your trust.
996: Turn the Page
It was the beginning of the end.
995: Boom Boom Boom
Is this against the law if your baby like looks over here for a second?
994: Twenty Questions
Let's get a few things straight.
993: Your Line of Questioning
If you want to know who your real enablers are: It's your listeners.
992: Keith is a Drunk
One boring fucking day at a time...
991: Burger War
He brought like Hot Pockets to The Greatest Chefs in the World Competition.
990: If You Can't Stand the Heat
"All my friends are lying to me!"
989: Die, Michael Jackson, Die!!!
It was too soon when you touched my children!
988: Robot Drinking Problems
Somebody kill me today. It's not gonna get better.
987: I Love You
I'm the fuckin' meltin' pot, A-fuck!
986: The Atheist Club
If you are going to pay for sex it better be dirty because at home: the laundry is folded.
985: The Dragon Returns
For those of you who no longer wish to honor who I am and what I do, I truly wish you death.
984: Monkey Business
Your backyard is where I vacation! How ya like that?!
983: Genuine
She vaginad her way into the position.
982: For Love or Money
I wanna fuck a girl who I put it in her ass and she doesn't even turn around to see who it is.
981: Seeing the Light
I think we might owe you an apology, actually.
980: Choke-take
Let's get back to the story: He tells me to cum on his face...
978: Let's Go Pittsburgh!
I'm the kid you jerked off, you fuckin' son of a bitch.
977: Our Four Cents
This isn't a town that says, 'Keep the change.'
975: Burns and Allen
Everything looks sexy. She has no control.
973: Evolution of Man
It ain't no note-takin' faggot baa! It's a drinkin' baa!
972: Worse Than Hitler
We are a team! You hate who I hate!
971: Awkward
Sometimes you gotta put your penis places.
970: You've Been Duped
It's like I'm fuckin' me!
969: Define "No"
Don't go to the dildo store when you're horny.
967: Hot Dog Revenge
My life would be over if I was allowed to say whatever I could say.
966: If Charming Means Cunty
It's never good to throw things at gang members.
965: American Bad Ass
Two thumbs down, and two middle fingers up.
964: Why Jews Eat Sand
Do you understand how sad this is, ladies?
963: The Shed
Go home, and quit touching each other.
962: Is This Thing On?
I partied even crazier the next night to the point where like my knees are like bloody-colored and bruises and...
961: Heckler
That is when your and F-MOS' advice came to mind. She was suddenly feeling doubts, so I just whipped my dick out.
960: How'd You Get Your Accent?
I'm the undisputed all-time champion comedy king comedy!
959: LOLz
I happen to be the crossover nigger of America.
958: Drinking Buddies
Tell me what level of a scumbag I am.
956: Titties and Blood
I think you were high on whiskey.
955: Entitlement
When you're aware of the world, it makes your heart cry.
954: I Shit on You
Are you gonna swear again, you stupid bitch?
953: Mouth Breathers
What the fuck are y'all laughin' at, man?
952: Shine a Light
You think you can just not answer the phone call? You have to answer the phone call now!
951: MC Mr. Napkins
Keith, I'm gay, and that's my brother I'm trying to fuck.
950: Sexperiments
Shit talkers don't get to decide when the shit talking ends.
949: Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
You have no sense.
948: Like a Girl
Once in awhile you have to go out and fuck somebody else.
947: Thug Life
Was she able to fuck the whole collection?
946: Solid Bits
If you're not uncomfortable, you're not a comedy fan.
945: Baby Shaker
If you can put up drywall you're in.
944: Deviance
Have I hit a woman before? Hell yeah.
943: For Shits and Giggles
Stop spreading rumors about me!
942: Eye of the Beholder
I'm the only person with human decency!
Show 940: Live in NYC
Check out the full video at KATG.com/live
939: Merit
If you could stop talking about me that'd be fuckin' FANTASTIC!
938: The Brothers
"We have some more vomiting tonight. What's going on?"
934: Me Talk Pretty
I maybe not say this but if the Keith is not good to you and go to away from him. I would love the you.
932: Not in My House
If Intern punches me in the face: so be it.
931: Act a Fool
Maybe you're scared of what you don't understand, because I understand everything.
929: Believe It or Not!
You must have the rustiest asshole this side of the Mississippi.
928: How to Be Friends
I'm a Butt Sex Pioneer. I'll take it for $5.95.
927: Just Not That Into You
Why do you cut yourself?
926: Rules and Regulations
Keith is a bigger pussy than I thought.
925: Banana, Banana
This heart didn't come with instructions.
924: Vagina Lip Punching
'Fuck' is okay. 'Cunt' is okay. I think we're ready.
923: The Ultimate Pleasure
Show that you're a little dirty bitch.
922: Never Be a Victim
You told me to be more assertive, so I beat the shit out of kids.
921: Mental
"You're an idiot mom. That's why you have an idiot kid."
920: Fuuuuccck Yoouu!!!
I'm writing to tell you that I've been teetering this way and that over whether or not to continue listening.
918: Dan vs. Jesse
This is like, literally, it has to be one of the dumbest - if not the dumbest - thing I've ever done.
917: Queer as Folk
I'm nicer than all you fake fucks. Fuck you.
916: Keith's Mommmmm
What's your job besides not having babies?
915: In Hot Water
Why couldn't you leave well enough alone?
914: Comics Strip
It was nice talking to you. Now let's never talk again.
913: Four Years Down
If we have cloning, I would clone you and then murder both of you.
KATGtv 18: Party! Super Party!
Revelers enjoy the Party! Super Party!
912: Mo' Money
How much money do you have in your bank right now?
911: Working Well with Others
He listened to the show, and now does not speak to me.
910: The Parent Trap
You've been shaming the family since you were nine?
909: Acting!
I don't believe in baking. I never did.
908: Keith and The Girls
I will not be a victim!
907: Gag Me
He looks at me and goes - and I quote: 'What have you done lately?'
906: Tit for Tat
Who's to say we don't want to just show our tits and need a good excuse?
905: Connect the Dots
Nothing's ever sick enough for the Asians.
904: Get the Funk Out
He's not gonna try something. I'll punch him in the mouth.
903: What's Yours is Mine
Let's just say I've been kind of a mess lately.
900: Lez Be Friends
You know you're gonna get a lot of shit for this, right?
899: Real Talk
I get it; you got AIDS. Let's play some music.
898: How Much is That Asshole in the Window?
It's not like I never had ass sex before. Let's be clear and honest.
897: The Show-ers
I've got twenty dollars if you're bored and wanna kill anyone.
896: Intent to Distribute (John DeForest Petrie)
You go to KeithandTheGirl.com right now: there is video where something shitty is going on. And maybe literally.
895: Know Your Shit
That is gonna be just a horrible day when you figure shit out.
894: The Reaping
Every time I act, this guy's pointing a fucking camera at me!
891: Drink the Fat
You got something to say to this prick?!
890: Yes We Can
Now you can check asshole without you turning into an animal yourself!
889: Mantrums
I knew I was onto something. Who do I sue?
888: The Simple Life
What are you most disappointed in her about?
887: Dear Intern
"I truly apologize for anything and everything. I am the only one at fault here."
Jan 28, 2009106.2 MB